I spent the whole year working on myself, growing beyond myself. This included improving my health and fitness, getting mentally further, leaving negative things behind, and becoming a better and more positive person. This also included admitting to myself that I had failed in my marriage.
Things haven’t been running well for several years, you don’t want to see it. You close your eyes to the unavoidable. You have a responsibility towards your children, you don’t want to hurt anyone, and you don’t want to look like a loser in front of your family and friends. All pretty bad reasons to waste your own life, the only one you have, in a relationship, in a life that doesn’t suit you. A life that makes you unhappy.
I made mistakes, she made mistakes. We didn’t fit together from the start, but over the years it became exponentially more problematic. At some point, everyone gave up. It would be easy to blame her now. But it’s also very cheap. It didn’t work out, now everyone is free again and can look towards the future. That’s a good thing, and even if it takes her a little longer than me to come to this realization, she’ll see it the same way one day.
I learned a lot from this magnificent failure. About relationships, but above all about myself. I know what I value in a woman, what I expect, and what I’m prepared to give. I know my limits and know which compromises I can and cannot make. I know how I want to live.
If you can draw conclusions for yourself through a failure and learn something, then in the end it is not a failure. Every new insight and every learning is ultimately a gain. And I can see that I have gained a lot.
It was said that I was a coward and would just throw in the towel. But I can’t see it that way. I’m not just throwing in the towel, I’ve spent far too long trying to keep all this alive. And it’s not cowardly to decide to make sure I live a better life. On the contrary, it’s very courageous, especially at almost 40. That’s still young enough to be able to have a nice and fulfilling life, but it’s also at an age when you can and must carry a lot around with you.
Yes, I failed in my marriage, but I’m getting my life back.
And since pretty much everyone’s first question is what’s going on with the children, they’re coping quite well and I’ll do my best to make any changes as easy as possible for them.