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I just almost died. I wanted to carry up our old washing machine from the basement by myself, put it in front of the front door. In the middle of the marble stairs is a bend. At this point the washing machine got wedged, could only fall down in my direction. Water ran out, I had hardly any grip. Nothing worked anymore, otherwise I would have fallen down together with the machine.

So I yelled in the direction of my iPhone for Siri to call my dad, who lives two blocks away. Long story short, Siri understood me, but refused because I couldn’t authenticate myself. So Siri would have rather let me die than make that call for me. I made it very clear how urgent the situation was.

By the way, the only reason I’m still able to write is because in a last-ditch acrobatic stunt I managed to get a dog leash, which I used pretty creatively to strap the washing machine in place and then go to my phone.

Fuck you, Siri. You’re so bad at many things, but I can’t get over this one.